Soul Calibur 3 Interviews
by mirrors of illusion
Summary: You send in the questions and the SC crew will answer them! Vote for the next person to be interviewed. First up is the one and vengeful, Setsuka! Plz R&R and vote for the next! There's a bit cussing in there so if you get freaked out...IT'S NOT MY FAULT!
1. Chapter 1

**Soul Calibur 3 Interviews**

**Disclaimer: ..that's not gonna happen.**

**Ok people, the story is exactly how the title sounds. You send in the questions to our lovely characters and I, Mirage, will get to ask it to the person. **

**At the end of your review, please vote for the next character. Simple, no?**

**Rules (you should've seen this coming): **

**1. You can only vote once. No cheating allowed.**

**2. Ask at least one question…doesn't have to be appropriate…funny…dramatic…anything that will lighten up the show!**

**3. Uh…**

**4. If there's a tie between votes then the one who votes first get it.**

**Yep, that's the gist of it. **

**So here's the deal: I'll be hosting the show from next chapter on depending on how safe and reckless the characters is. I'll only update if I get at least 5 questions. Got it? So, what are you waiting for? Ask and vote on any character you wanna see questioned. First up, is the one and only, Setsuka!! See ya later! Don't forget to ask and vote for the next!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Soul Calibur 3 Interview: Setsuka**

**Disclaimer: As long as Soul Calibur stays cool and deadly, I'm not going anywhere near it. I don't think I would even think about that as long as Setsuka and her 'parasol's' around.**

A fourteen year old girl by the name of Mirage (me) sits on her cheap chair. She wears a white shirt and a black skirt that reaches her knee. Much like a school uniform. She waves at the audience.

Mirage: Hi peoples!! My name is Mirage and welcome to the first of our dreadful series of interviews for Soul Calibur 3. Before we officially start this catastrophe, we will go over a few rules. And don't you DARE think of skipping this part…

1. You can vote only ONCE!!! Yea yea, I'm pulling that crap on you.

2. I never said that it had to be appropriate. Well, just don't ask anything perverted. I hate saying things like that.

3. Know that the characters MAY be flamed, depending on the questions. If you get upset, don't say that I didn't tell you so, because I did.

4. Uh…you get the idea.

Like my other fanfic, I will be asking the questions that you ask in your review, no questions asked. Also, at the end of the show, there will be three phone calls from the Soul Calibur crew. I think there's enough to be said. Enough blabbering from me, how about we here from our first guest, Setsuka!

Setsuka steps out and calmly sits down on the couch in her kimono outfit. In the process, she trips over her own 'shoes'.

Setsuka: Ow.

Mirage: ...you need help?

Setsuka: Just because this is your show, doesn't mean that you can do what you want.

Mirage: But I didn't do anything.

Setsuka ignores Mirage's comment and sit down on the couch with her parasol/sword in one hand and a cookie in the other.

Mirage: Where'd you get that cookie from?

Setsuka: I'm not telling. –munches on the delicious chocolate chip cookie-

Mirage: So..hungry..

Setsuka: Why don't you stop whining about your stomach and actually do your job.

Mirage takes out a stack of index cards from her skirt pocket and reads the first set of questions aloud.

Mirage: First question is from DarlingKittyStar. 'Did you ever find it strange that you lust after the person that kind of sorta raised you and took care of you into adulthood? I mean, is there not an age difference?'

Setsuka: I don't follow. What are you talking about?

Mirage: Wasn't it strange that you like the man who cared for you? There's an age difference, right?

Setsuka: Where are you getting that kind of crap from?

Mirage: Uh…that's your story?

Setsuka: …

Mirage: …

Setsuka: My story was that I became a wannabe geisha for this one guy I liked.

Mirage: Who's that one guy?

Setsuka: Mitsurug—I'm not telling!!

Mirage: Whatever. What's your history?

Setsuka: Well, my mommy and daddy passed away when I was 8 years old, I think? Anyways, this one guy took me in to live with him. He was very kind to me, but he has a daughter named Taki. She's a bitch. She stole her father's cappuccino and blamed it on me!!!

Mirage: I think we got the idea. And that was uncalled for. Heaven-monument asks, 'have you ever missed when trying to replace your parasol?'

Setsuka: No. What kind of idiot would do something like that?

Mirage: That's not what this clip says. Roll the film!!!

The lights dimmed and a random clip displayed on a TV behind Mirage.

Setsuka: Where'd you get—

Mirage: Clip first, questions later.

Clip rolls…

Setsuka: Aww…but why do I have to go on a mission with Taki?!

Taki's father: 'Cause I said so. This may also be a wonderful opportunity to actually get to know each other.

Taki: What's there to learn about this slut?

Setsuka: Exactly, what's there to learn about this bitch?

Taki's father: Now now watch the language.

Later…

Setsuka and Taki are sitting on a magnolia tree watching 2 men they were supposed to kill. They are shoving the living out of each other, trying to actually see them.

Setsuka: Move bitch!

Taki: Move slut!

Setsuka: Quiet bitch, you move!

Taki: Fuck you slut, I wanna kill him.

Setsuka: Never!

Right beneath the magnolia tree…

Mitsurugi: What the heck's going on? (looks up) oh, how nice. Two women with huge coconuts!

Siegfried: O. M. F. G. (stares at awe..)

Mitsurugi: I call the slut!

Siegfried: Dibs on the bitch!!!

And so they climbed the tree…

Meanwhile…

Setsuka: Bitch!

Taki: Slut!

Setsuka: Bitch!

Taki: Slut!

Those two continued to argue, completely unaware that Mitsurugi and Siegfried are right behind them.

Setsuka: Bitch!

Taki: Slut!!

Mitsurugi: Watch your language dears.

Setsuka: Yeah bitch! (realized the voice) What the-

Siegfried: Now ladies…let's stop playing lesbians and start playing heterosexual with us.

Setsuka: Eww! No!

Taki: We mean we're not lesbians.

Siegfried: -gasp- (apparently, he's never been rejected before, even from lesbians)

Mitsurugi: So much to learn my friend…

Taki: We're supposed to kill you, Hot Asian freak and Just plain hot Freak!

Siegfried: Well, as long as she calls me hot, I'm ok.

Setsuka: Let's get them bitch!

Taki: I'm right behind ya, slut!

Setsuka and Taki: Raaahhh!!!

Mitsurugi: Holy fuck! Run, hot freak, run!

Siegfried: You expect me to run with this goddamn sword?!

Mitsurugi: Run first, argue later.

Much later…

Tira: Ha! We cornered you freaks!

Setsuka: Yeah!

Mitsurugi: I guess we have no choice but to…

Siegfried: EAT SOME RAMEN!

Mitsurugi: No, idiot. We eat some MISO. MISO!!!

…and so the women fought the hungry men…

Mitsurugi: …We…shall…retreat…for…now…

Siegfried: Sure…whatever…

And so they retreated…

Taki: Fucking retards. (puts away daggers)

Setsuka: Fucking idiots. (conceals blade which missed and almost hits…)

Taki: What the fuck slut! What are you fucking doing?!

Setsuka: What?! (realizes) Oohhh…(puts away the sword, appropriately)

Taki: Apologize, slut!

Setsuka: Why should I bitch?!

Taki: 'Cause I said so, slut!

Setsuka: Bitch!

Taki: Slut!

…and you get the point…

Clips ends…

Setsuka: I was pretty pissed that day. Sure, I almost killed the bitch. But couldn't the blade stick to the right a little so that it ACTUALLY kills her? Next question.

Mirage: LordParagon asks 'What do you say to those who think your style is, well, weak?'

Setsuka: What the fuck?! Who said that?!!

Mirage: Let's tone down the language now…

Setsuka: I'm gonna murderize a jillion people tonight… (murderize, credits given to Caligula II, one of my 10 awesome reviewers ever!)

Mirage: That's nice to know, Muave Pocky asks, 'What IS your natural hair color? Are you blond or a noirette? How could you find hair dye in the 16th century?

Setsuka: Is there a problem with my hair color?

Mirage: I never said that.

Setsuka: Well, if you must know…wait, why am I telling you?! Look at Tira of God sakes! How did her hair get from green to orange, huh?! Think about that!

Mirage: Purple. Green to purple. Do you bleach your hair?

Setsuka: Ah, who gives a shit…

Mirage: Good question. We will be interviewing Tira next so please remind me in your review to answer that question. Because you know, I might forget…Aw, don't look at me like that. I have a history report due tomorrow. Yeah. SouloftheButterfly asks 'you do you conceal your blade in your umbrella?

Setsuka: Because, it's sexy and cool and dangerous. Also, FYI, it's a parasol.

Mirage: Uh…. Projeck asks 'Don't you ever get blisters or sore from wearing five-inch clogs?'

Setsuka: …no…

Mirage: Lucky…what's your secret?

Setsuka: After humiliating me on national television, I don't think so I'm telling you anything.

Mirage: Uh…ehem… Aikido-Kasshin-Ryu asks you the following, 'Why is your weapon an umbrella?'

Setsuka: It's not an umbrella, dammit! It's a parasol! And besides, I wear kimonos. It has to match you know.

Mirage: True. But why the umbrella?

Setsuka: It's a goddamn PAROSOL for god sakes!

Mirage: Ok, parasol.

Setsuka: It's all because of that bitch, Taki. She stole my sword, and she knows that!

Mirage: Yea. Sure…

Setsuka: She did, too! When I thought I lost my weapon and my 5-inch clogs…

Mirage: CLIP!!!

Setsuka: WTF?

And so the clip began…

Setsuka and Taki wakes up in the morning to do their daily routine. (credits to…Caligula II)

Setsuka: Yo bitch, it's breakfast!

Taki: Fuck you slut, you probably poisoned it!

Setsuka: Now, how would I get poison in the 16th century? Honestly?

Taki: Siigghhh…. Whatever.

Setsuka: Good.

A few minutes later…

Setsuka: Where's my clogs and my sword bitch?

Taki: How the fuck should I know slut?!

Setsuka: Because I know you took them bitch!

Taki: Slut!

Setsuka: Bitch!

Taki: Slut!

Setsuka: Bitch!

And well, as you can see this led to a fight. It was a draw for some reason and later on...

Setsuka: What the fuck bitch?! What's my sword doing in the laundry?! What the fuck, it's all ruined now!

Taki: Don't blame me.

Setsuka: Holy fuck!!! What the hell's my clogs doin' in the microwave?! Ok, bitch, I know you did it.

Taki: Nu-uh.

Setsuka: Uh-huh.

Taki: Nu-uh.

Setsuka: Uh-huh.

In other words, they soon were in another fight…again… Let's just say that, she hides her sword from Taki in her umbrel-I mean-parasol . PARASOL.

End clip…

Setsuka: Why did you show that???!!! Now that bitch knows where I hid it. DAMMIT!!!

Mirage: Uh…sorry? Ok, uh, next question, 'is there romance between you and Mitsurgi?'

Setsuka: …

Mirage: …

Setsuka: …do you expect me to like that Hot Asian Freak?

Mirage: Let's not be racist…

Setsuka: …no. There was no romance between him and me, ever.

Mirage: I guess that if you don't admit it, this clip will.

Setsuka: What?

Yea, clip rolls…

Mitsurugi and Setsuka are fighting their first battle and craps… Setsuka won somehow. Mitsurugi's falls to the ground dramatically with blossom petals surrounding him. Setsuka runs to him and kneels beside him.

Setsuka: You! Mitsurugi! Wake up! Wake up! (pokes him with a stick) Ok now, Die! Die!! DIE!!!

Mitsurugi: Before I die, these are my death wishes.

Setsuka: Why do I have I hafta do it?

Mitsurugi: Cause you killed me. Or about to.

Setsuka: What?! Wait, don't die! Don't DIE!!!

Mitsurugi: 1, get me some cappuccino extra-sugar. Uh…

A few minutes later…so far he made like…69 wishes.

Mitsurugi: And one more thing…I wanted to always say this to you…

Setsuka clasps onto his hand with tears leaking out of her non-Japanese eyes.

Mitsurugi: I…I always…

Setsuka: I LOVE YOU TOO!!!

Mitsurugi: No…I always hated your slutty guts. (dramatically dies)

Setsuka: NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!

End clip…

Setsuka: I'm gonna get you. You taped all that?

Mirage: Not exactly…

Clip continues…

Setsuka: Why?! WHY?! (sobs)

She leans over him. The camera zooms into her breasts.

???: Stop that!! (whack)

???: Sorry.

Clip ends…

Mirage: Uh…ok…'Was there any rivalries with Taki?'

Setsuka: Uh…yeah! Didn't you know that? After all those clips?

Mirage: Oh yea, the shoe and the microwave thingy. And the 'slut-bitch' thingy.

Setsuka: Yeah. She's always think she's better than me all because she has bigger boobs than me!!!

Mirage: That…was unexpected…

Setsuka: Just thinking about that bitch makes me mad!!!

Mirage: 'What else happened in your ending?'

Setsuka: Well, after I taught that girl a lesson, Taki threw a dozen sushi at me and then took off!!!

You knew the clip was coming…

Setsuka: Revenge is wrong. Remember that.

Girl: -nods-

Setsuka: Now, I'm gonna bring you home. How old are you?

Girl: 21…

Setsuka: Perfecto! Let's drink some sake!!!

Girl: Yay.

Meanwhile…

Taki: Sake, uh? Well eat this, slut!

Taki tosses a sushi at the back of Setsuka's head. (A/N): Recently, some idiot threw food smack at the back of my head. During school. Since I had really long, black hair, I had to wash my hair three times. Twice in the girls bathroom and once at home. That really sucked.)

Setsuka: Ow! Who's there!

Taki giggles at herself and continued throwing more and more…

Setsuka: WTF?!

It was kind of sad since Setsuka has her sword out and all and she kept getting hit.

Setsuka: Ow!! Run!!!

Setsuka and the girl ran away.

Taki: Heh. (munches on her last sushi) What are you doing here?

Taki looks straight at the camera.

Taki: Hey, I don't allow any paparazzi here. Go stalk that slut here or something.

???: Ok.

???: Where'd she go?

Taki: She's heading to her home. Go there and turn right. Turn left at the second intersection and looking for a dragon mural with 'Setsuka's a slut' writing and you're there.

Clip end…

Setsuka: I knew that bitch did it!

Mirage: As if it wasn't obvious enough.

Setsuka: Quiet you! (whacks me on the head)

Mirage: Ow. Sorry. Ok…'Do you think it's hard just to fight in just a kimono?'

Setsuka: Hell yea!!!! You have no idea how much I fear of my kimono falling! The dreams!!! The agony!!!!

Mirage: …

Setsuka: …

Mirage: Anyways…ehem…'Did you forget that opening an umbrella indoors is bad luck?

Setsuka: Say what? (please note that Setsuka opened her umbrella the entire time)

Mirage: You didn't know that?

Setsuka: Who believes at that bad luck crap? And besides…

Mirage: …

Setsuka: IT'S A PARASOL!!!!!

Mirage: We know that. Right?

Setsuka: Whatever. Just get on with the questions.

Mirage: Uh…that's all of it.

Setsuka: HELLAJUAH!!!!

Mirage: Uh…now for the calls. Call number one, you're up.

Caller one…

???: Uh…is this SC interviews?

Mirage: Yeps.

???: Yea, may I have a word with Setsuka?

Setsuka: What do you want?

Mitsurugi: Hahahahahaha!!!! I made you cry!!! You should've seen your face!!!

Mirage: Aren't you supposed to be dead?

Mitsurugi: Well, sorta.

Setsuka: M-mitsurugi? ….RRRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Setsuka dramatically drew her blade and slice the phone in half.

Mirage: What the heck??!!! Now I hafta use the spare one!!! Hold on, I'll be right back.

Mirage left and left Setsuka panting and anger. When ever she's like this, watch out. After a while, Mirage came back out…the place was destroyed…

Meanwhile…

Mitsurugi's home…

Mitsurugi: Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I'm so glad Taki bribed me to fake my death. That look is just priceless!!!

Taki's home…

Taki: W. T. F? Ahahahahahahaahahahahahahaa!!!! I didn't think that situation would come up!

At the destroyed station…

Mirage: Aaww, Setsuka!!!

Setsuka: Out of the way Mirage. I have to get even with someone…

Mirage: Wait until the inter-

Setsuka: Out of the way woman!

Mirage: …no… Come on I barely got the phone out. If you finish this, then I'll go let you go whatever crap you want.

Setsuka: …Fine…

First caller…

Mitsurugi: Whoa, I didn't mean to get you go fired up, woman…

Setsuka: Fuck off. After this, you are dead. DEAD.

Mitsurugi: Holy sh-

Second call…

Siegfried: You were diggin' at me, you know it.

Setsuka: What the fuck, get outta here!!!

Siegfried: Never, you bisexu-

Setsuka: I'm not a fuckin' bi you fuckin' bastard!!!

Siegfried: Watch your language lady.

Setsuka: Look who's talking!!! What makes you think I'm a slut?!

Siegfried: Uh…(thinks for a moment)…that still doesn't change the fact that you're bi!

Setsuka: I'm not a fuckin' bi!!! Where's everyone getting these fuckin' ideas?!

Mirage: Don't look at me. I just work here.

Third call…

Taki: SLUT!

Setsuka: BITCH!!!

Mirage: Isn't that nice? They pick up the phone and they're already cussing at each other.

Taki: SLUT!!!

Setsuka: BITCH!!!

Again for the 8,900th time, they started fighting, and this was the 4,467th it was over the phone.

Setsuka: I hope you choke on your fuckin' cappuccino bitch!!!

Taki: I hope you get bad luck forever, you slut!

Setsuka: I hope you choke on a sushi, bitch!

Taki: I hope you die trippin' over your own clogs and falling off the cliff, slut!!!

Setsuka: Well, I hope that you suffocate from your stupid outfit!

Taki: I hope you stab yourself with your umbrella!

Setsuka: You bitch! It's a goddamn parasol!!!

Taki: Slut!

Setsuka: Bitch!

Taki: Why don't you bring it on slut!

Setsuka: Why? We all know that you're gonna lose!!!

Taki: Why you…

And so on and so on…

Mirage: Uh…I'm afraid that's all the time we have folks! This chapter didn't really go as well as I expected because…I haven't done these interview fanfics in a while. It looks easy, but then you have to plan and all that crap…next up we have Tira coming. Thank you all for voting, and well, if you didn't want Tira, please voting in hope that the other will eventually agree with you and stuff… Holy crap, no!!! Setsuka put away that umbrella! Well, at least don't destroy the…phone…

Setsuka continue to stab the works out if the disintegrated thingy.

**(A/N): From this first chapter, I'm probably making a pretty bad impression out of this. I highly apologize. It wasn't that funny because…I mean, come on, it was SETSUKA!!! She's like one of the serious character! If you want me to lower the cussing plz say so.**

**The only reason I interviewed her first I because, she was one of my favorite characters! I sound selfish… I'll try my hardest to make Tira's chapter funny. So please remember to ask our first ring-blade character, Tira your questions and don't forget to vote for your next character!!!**


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